


Minutes from the Meeting

by baconnegg



Category: Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - All Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Drunk Dialing, Fluff, Gen, badass! Pepper, drunk! Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-31
Updated: 2012-05-31
Packaged: 2017-11-06 09:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/417254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baconnegg/pseuds/baconnegg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is drunk, Pepper is a BAMF, freedom is eagles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Minutes from the Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue of this fic is taken directly from a spontaneous RP between myself (Pepper) and sarimia (Tony).
> 
> I don't know what happened either.

“Or, or, at one point we should just rush in, out of breath, and ask what year it is. Yeah.” Tony grinned and spun victoriously in his chair. “Write that one down! I am on a rolllll!”

“I’ll get right on that, Mister Stark.” Pepper smiled as politely as she could, considering her business meeting had been interrupted by martinis before it had even started.

“Thank you, Miss Potts.”

“Now back to work, Tony.”

His jaw dropped wide open in horror. “I thought you loved me.”

“I do love you,” she sighed. “You’ll thank me for this someday.”

“No I won’t! You’re slowly killing me with all this paperwork.” Tony haphazardly gestured to the stack of contracts and forms in front of him.

“Possibly in the afterlife,” Pepper ignored Tony as she stood up and got ready to go. “Where you’ll be granted the eternal ability to no longer be a complete idiot.”

“Can’t I just program Dummy to forge my signature?” Tony blinked a few times as he processed what she had said. “Hey, _hey,_ I am a genius, I’ll have you know. _Certified-_ ”

“-You can, in that you have the ability to. But you shouldn’t-”

“-Proven, by professionals,” Tony showed no signs of stopping. “Like myself. Which means I will-”

“Genius is not a certification,” Pepper declared.

Tony pouted and sniffed, turning his chair away from her. “Excuse me, JARVIS and I have a date. _He_ loves me.”

“I _knew_ it!”

Tony turned his chair back around and raised both eyebrows. “Uh, that was a _joke,_ Pepper.”

“Oh...” Pepper coughed uncomfortably. “Anyways-”

“He still loves me better than you. He doesn’t give me paperwork, anyways.”

“He’s an AI. You can’t program emotions. As far as I know.” She grabbed the arm of Tony’s chair to stop him from spinning it. “Which is pretty far.”

“Well I did, I programmed emotions. And sarcasm. Hammer never programmed sarcasm.”

Pepper rubbed her forehead slowly. “Tony, you are drunk.”

“Hammer can't even hack a Dell. Hammer's an idiot- Hey, why are you taking my drink away?  
That's only my seventh.”

Pepper handed the glass to a concerned, beeping Dummy and placed her hands on her hips. “Do you want me to text Steve and tell him you’re not working? And that was your ninth.”

“No it wasn’t, I had JARVIS counting-” Tony’s eyes went wide and he made a dramatic attempt to stand up, ending up on the floor. “No! No! Leave Steve out of this! He’s out being free! Like a _true American!_ Wait, JARVIS, send Steve a message telling him I’m not as free as an American should be.”

Pepper ground at her temples with her fingertips. “Tony, do not drunk-dial Captain America.”

“Pepppeerrrrrrrrrr-”

“Your PR department is still in recovery from the last time you had a few too many. No.”

“He's Captain Freedom, he can free me!”

“Does freeing you involve sobering you up and getting you the hell back to work?”

“Pepperrrr-” Tony stopped mid-whine and looked grave. “No, no it doesn't. Freedom is _eagles._ Oh, hey, maybe Steve will steal the Declaration of Independence with me.”

“Tony.” Pepper was dangerously close to asking Dummy to bring that drink back. “Tony, no.”

“I’m Nick Cage.”

“I will call Coulson if I have to.” Pepper leaned across the desk to look Tony right in the eye. “You won’t like me, when I call Coulson.”

“I should change my name to that, just for a weekend.”

“No, you really shouldn’t.”

“Coulson can help! I’ll tell him he can have a Free American weekend with Steve if he does.”

Pepper stood up and said with the straightest of faces, “Yes, he can. You should definitely call him and ask him that. I'm sure he'd react appropriately.”

“Okay.” Tony used the desk to yank himself up to a kneeling position. “You have wonderful ideas, Pepper. JARVIS, call Coulson.”

“That's why you pay me the big bucks, boss.” Pepper turned to leave, the clicking of her heels matching the low ringing of the phone.

“I do indeed!” Tony waved one hand in the air flamboyantly. “Hey, I should buy you something. Use my card.”

“Okay, I'll be sure to do that.” Pepper paused at the door, looking over her shoulder at Tony. “I'm just going to step out and do some paperwork while you call Coulson. Scream if you need anything.”

“Thank you Miss Potts, that will be all.” Pepper closed the door behind her just as Coulson’s voice belatedly filled the room.

**_FIN_ **


End file.
